It Ain't Half Hot Mum!

If you caught the first programme in Kate Humble's recent BBC series "The Spice Trail", you will already have had a glimse of our first port of call in India, Cochin (or Kochi as it's known locally). I've never quite grasped why a place name should have more than one version; why can't Kochi be known as that universally, for example, as that's how it's known here? However, I digress. Juliet and Hannah managed to get a couple of hours of intermittent sleep on the second leg of our journey, but for me it was the night that never was. I didn't even attempt any sleep because I find doing so upright to be so uncomfortable I end up frustrated and feeling even more tired than when I started.

We were met in the arrival hall by our unassuming but friendly driver Jaya, and emerged from Kochi International Airport into hot and steamy southern India - it's the start of summer over here with temperatures in the 30s and 80% humidity. By the time we'd walked the two hundred metres to the car, its efficient air conditioning was already very welcome. I have read that the state of Kerala is less disorganised and calmer than other states in India. The apparent mayhem on the roads during our 80 minute drive to Kochi either suggested otherwise or that driving elsewhere in India must be even more hazardous. Cars, trucks, bicycles, motorbikes, animals, pedestrians, autorickshaws all weaving about, under and over taking, horns constantly beeping - how there wasn't a collision I'll never know. Perhaps that's just the way it is here and people are so attuned to it they have developed an innate ability to safely brake or swerve at the last minute. It makes for great entertainment, though, once you've relaxed enough for your heartbeat to return to something approaching normailty.

The Old Lighthouse Bristow

Our base in Kochi is The Old Lighthouse Bristow Hotel, located right next to the beach and happily benefitting from a cooling sea breeze. The building was originally home to Sir Robert Bristow, the founder and first chairman of Kochi port, and doubled up as a lighthouse to guide ships into the busy harbour. It's very cool in our spacious sea view room and the friendly, helpful but understated approach from the staff add to the sense of peace and serenity of the place.



Local Kochi men and boys enjoying an early morning swim.

There's a lovely swimming pool and a spa, so Hannah (aka the fish) and Juliet respectively are more than happy. We all opted for an Ayurvedic massage to help us unwind after the long journey; this seemed a suitable choice as the herb-infused oils used in Ayurvedic treatments claim to return one's body to a state of healthy balance. It certainly was relaxing, and I did feel kind of healthily balanced afterwards but also a little bit like a well oiled baking dish. If the masseur (male) had placed 12 jam tarts on me and popped me into the oven for 25 minutes at gas mark 6 it would have probably felt completely natural.

This morning we went on a short guided tour of the city led by Abe and were again grateful for Jaya's air conditioned car. Kochi is the most populated city in Kerala, but doesn't feel like a city at all, certainly not in Fort Cochin where we are based. It's higgledy piggeldy and very colourful with lots of green. It has been under the control of the Dutch, the Portugese and the British at various times, with much evidence of the legacies of all three making for a fascinating and eclectic mixture of styles and atmosphere. We visited St Francis Church, the first built by Europeans in India, and where Vasco da Gama was buried in 1524, although his body was later returned to his native Portugal. An interesing feature inside were the enormous manual fans, that in days gone by would been operated by Punkawallahs positioned outside the building, where I can assure you 'it ain't half hot Mum'. I know, it's very contrived, but I think the last time I heard the wonderful word 'Punkawallah' was during that television programme (I hesitate to use the word comedy) during the 1970s. Less modest in both exterior and interior than St Francis Church is the Santa Cruz Basilica with its colourful, kitsch indo-romano-roccoco decoration. It was nice and cool inside though!

Santa Cruz Basilica

The iconic Chinese fishing nets were next on our tourist agenda. Traders from the Kublai Khan were said to have introduced them to Kochi. That's Kublai Khan, the grandson of Genghis Khan, and famously the subject of the poem wtitten by Samuel Taylor Coleridge in 1797 following an opium fuelled dream. I suppose that technically makes them Mongolian fishing nets, but lets not be picky. 

The Chinese Fishing Nets of Kochi

My role as tour photographer meant that I was unable to respond to the local fishermen's request for help in reeling in the morning's catch, but fortunately Juliet and Hannah were willing and able to lend a hand.

It was hard work apparently but they were up to the task, even landing a handful of fish.

After mingling with Indian Royalty (well, paintings of them) in the Dutch Palace at Mattancherry, we arrived in Jew Town. This part of the city was previously the heart of Kochi's once-thriving community but is now mainly a shopping area popular with tourists although the Synagogue is still used as a place of worship by the fifty remaining, and apparently very elderly, Jews. 



Kochi's Jew Town

For us it was time for some shopping with fabrics, spices and greaan tea on our shopping list. In one shop Hannah and Juliet were fitted with a Sari while I was made to look extremely fetching in a Dhoti, the traditional men's garment worn on the Indian Subcontinent and favoured by Mahatma Gandhi, although he used to arrange his differently to me. Overcome with that extravagant 'on holiday' feeling I even went ahead and bought one. I wonder if I'll ever be brave enough to give it an airing back home in St Abans?

Well, David Beckham did wear a sarong once!

Jew Town is also the centre of the spice trade, and we were able to look in on the aromatic warehouse full of ginger, scene of the old fashioned deal making shown by Kate Humble on her television programme.

You can have any spice you like, just as long as it's ginger!

A sack full of chilli



From chilli we turned our attention to chilling out by the hotel pool for a couple of hours before getting dressed up, although not to the same extent as the Kathakali actors, for a performance of Kerala's unique ritualised theatre. In spite of receiving both a written and spoken synopsis of the plot and having the conventions of the art explained to us beforehand, I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Apparently the female character, played by a man, turned out to be demon disguised as a beautiful woman, whose penalty once her true identity had been discovered by the Prince was to have her nose and breast sliced off with a sword. Cheerful stuff! Nevertheless the performance was colourful and noisy and the whole experience an enjoyable and worthwhile one.

Leg or breast, you little devil?

 It's been a fantastic day. I've run out of time, and haven't written anything about the wonderful food yet, but that can wait for another day. However, Hannah was very keen for me to include her photograph of the chocolate samosas in mango coulis that she had for desert last night. Looks delicious, doesn't it? I was allowed a small bite myself and can confirm that it was.

.Chocolate Samosas - photo taken by Hannah

We've a less busy day planned for tomorrow, but one thing is for certain. Once again we will be drinking lots and lots of water.